Baby Birds, Nose Jobs and Insults, In That Order!

So you know what I hate about spring?

That’s right, baby birds.

Today I pulled up to my office, and there was a probable, baby, bird, hanging out on the tire of one of our work trucks. I say probable because I wasn’t getting any closer. I wasn’t checking it out. I wasn’t becoming attached. All I know is birds do not usually hang out on truck tires.

I waited there for a few moments and a couple of other birds showed up. These two seemed very excited. They also sat on some other, local, truck tires. More unusual bird behavior. Obviously, it was mom bird and dad bird. Might have been an Uncle Dan bird. Those birds care a lot also.

I was not excited about this situation.

How many times since you were a kid has some dopey baby bird showed up on the ground, or on a tire, or somewhere barely out of the reach of a cat, and you try and save it?

And how many times has that bird survived?

That’s right, zero! You cannot save a baby bird. You are a kid, or a college student or a school supply salesperson. You are not a biologist!

I now realize, if I were to capture the baby bird, the parents are going to abandon it. I know if I try and feed the baby bird, I probably am going to not feed it properly. And as a result it starves! There is no way the baby bird survives me.

I know this. I understand, finally, now, at this old age, the best thing I can do is leave the bird alone in his last hours with mom and dad. That’s the best shot he’s got.

So, feeling like a complete coward, and not wishing to witness the drama, the carnage, the circle of life, Lion King moment, I backed up the car, and parked on the other side of the building.

Subject TWO: Why does social media always bust on Jennifer Gray’s looks today?

SHE’s 62 years old! She can’t look like BABY in the CORNER her entire life. Yes, she had a nose job, which I think is unfortunate. Everyone does not have to look like Kim Kardashian, including her sister Khloe Kardashian!!

Country/Americana singer Margo Price has an interesting nose, and she looks GREAT. Get a nose job if you get hit by a right cross and/or have a deviated septum, otherwise, come on man!

But regardless of her nose job, which by the way, looks pretty good, Jennifer Grey seems just fine. So will someone please tell the google machine so it will stop plugging it into my internet browser.

Subject three: “Oh, they are so mean! Why does the Oscars have to be a roast, now?”

Have none of these people heard of Don Rickles?

He had a 67-year career that didn’t end until 2017, when he DIED, and he insulted people the entire time!!!

Early in his career he made this joke: While working in a Miami nightclub Rickles spotted Frank Sinatra, who he did not know, and remarked to him, “I just saw your movie The Pride and the Passion and I want to tell you, the cannon’s acting was great.”

He insulted Frank Sinatra! Did Frank, the baddest of the Rat Pack get up and smack him around? NO, they became best pals!!

Jada Pinkett Smith should have shaken her head, scowled a little bit and shook her finger at Rock! This allows the comic, to shame himself for making such a bad joke and then either double down on the insult or make fun of himself.

But you don’t act like you’ve been punked, because then, you have definitely, been punked! It also keeps your husband from making a fool of himself in front of millions of people and losing his Academy membership and being banned for ten years from the show.

But worse for Jada, is the look on her face during all this. It’s her defining moment. Good luck marketing that scowl for future projects.