Be My Valentine, Donald or Bernie?

Yeah, I could talk about politics, but what’s the point? New Hampshire is not going to decide anything permanent. There’s a long way to go for the Democrats.

The last time the Democrats had a field of candidates vying for the nomination was 2008 and Hillary won. We know how that turned out.

So, I am not even going there regardless of who wins.

And besides, everyone I know around here says Trump is going to win again. Let me be the first to say, I have zero doubt Trump will win in this town! You people love him.

You love him as much as I do not. And since my not love of him borders on criminal, you must love him like Romeo loved Juliet. Like Cleopatra loved Antony’s army. Like Bonnie loved Clyde and certain death.

You people really do love him. That’s all I’m trying to say.

And why shouldn’t you celebrate your love for Donald Trump? After all, it’s Valentine’s Day week!

Sure, you could go buy chocolates for your girl, but they would just get eaten. Donald Trump is your delicious treat that just keeps on giving.

For instance, Billy Bob, did you know windmills cause ear cancer?

Trump gave us that one back in 2019. Heart be still.

Remember when Trump the Christian slipped up over the holidays and called himself “the chosen one?”

I know that gets the Republican ladies all tore up. He certainly is your chosen one, isn’t he dear?

I wonder what kind of weird, wacky, repressed dreams Republican women have about Trump? Come on girls, dish!

Probably goes something like this, “Well I was like in the White House and like the First Lady, and President Donald was like on the phone saying, ‘So why don’t we just buy Greenland’ and I was like, ‘that’s so hot!’”

Oh wait, no that happened. Pretty sure that was a quote from Kim Kardashian. Trump actually did think we could just buy another country.

But why did he want to buy it? Who knows?

Maybe to enter a partnership with Putin. Maybe builds some condos. Global warming is melting everything up pretty good. It’s got a lot of shoreline! That’s big bucks! Seriously. I mean why not? He’s done crazier things.

Personally, I like it when Trump calls iPads and laptops, “computer boards.” I mean it’s not crazy, it’s just, you know, dumb. But still, is it not funny?

“Hey kids, enough of these games your playin’ on your computer boards!”

Really it sounds more like something Bernie Sanders would say, right? “Computer boards! In my day if we were lucky, we had an abacus! I had to start out with pebbles!”

Look if we’re going to lose to 18% of the population’s love daddy, Donald Trump, why not have Bernie run against him? It would be funny.

Extreme on the left vs. Insane on the right. It’d be great. One of them would win, and the rest of us would lose.

Happy Valentine’s Day week everyone!