Being a Moron May Murder Mee-Maw
Well have any of you murdered your maa-maw this week?
No, no, don’t get me wrong, this is not a story about the, probably insane, Camden woman who a couple of weeks ago actually did kill her elderly grandparents. Today’s story is about you, the Facebook friend who is so irresponsible, you may just do it too.
You know we Tennesseans have done so well. As a Southern state we’ve somehow managed to get ahead of the Coronavirus and have one of those illness bell curves everyone else envies!
Most all of us have made sacrifices. My poor mom and dad have been locked down for most of a month and I’ve cleaned a laundromat every one of those locked down days! You don’t think that sucks?
As a result the virus peak is predicted to hit Tennessee in less than a week. And we somehow have ended up with one of the lowest mortality rates in the country. This is so good.
But what happens when you have it good? What happens when you win the poker game after hitting inside straight after inside straight? What happens when your parents tell you how great that 17 on your ACT was?
I’ll tell you what happens, you get a false sense of security!
You can’t be playing inside straights all night long! Eventually you lose and over the long term you go broke. It’s statistics. It’s simple.
You can’t have a 17 on your ACT and advise people about their health and wellbeing! You should probably be an assistant pet groomer. Or financial adviser. There are several opportunities out there for dumb folk. Do those, don’t do social media health influencer.
So why are you people doing exactly this, now, on Facebook?
Why are you creating conspiracy theories about the only person in America who seemingly is in charge of solving this crisis? Why are you telling people not to believe him?
Dr. Fauci, first, is a doctor. A real doctor. He’s not a University of Phoenix doctor. He’s worked in immunology for forty years! He is the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases.
This is not a Donald Trump University gig.
Oh sure you start out talking about how touch and therefore handshaking is important for the human existence. I think I know where you are going with that. Human touch is obviously very important. I’m looking forward to hugging my mom and dad, my nephews, maybe even the postman.
Just kidding about the postman.
But seriously, yes human touch is important. But handshaking with every Tom, Dick and Harry?
You know what, it’s not that important! It’s not.
Let’s go back to that poker game above. You know how many people wash their hands whilst taking a bathroom break?
Not as many as you would wish! It’s horrible! It’s disgusting! It’s not going to bother me if the fist bump becomes a permanent thing.
Other countries bow! Who needs a disgusting handshake?
Handshakes ought to be left for people you trust! People who you love. People who you know wash their hands after a pee break!
Anyway I digress, much like the person I’m presenting, because the next thing you know they have left handshaking and human contact in the dust and are now on a diatribe about how “they” are trying to control us!
It’s always “they” with these people. The stupid, ridiculous paranoia embraced by conspiracy theory nuts always ends up with someone else being in control.
Look I get that the world is a big scary place for you. You don’t understand why you’re repairing mufflers and not a prince in a magical Disney movie.
Sometimes we all have to take a step back and say, it’s not “they” who did this. I did this. I made my choices.
Your choice now should be to shut up about Covid 19 and stay home. Your choice should be to ignore medical advice from people who did not go to medical school! Your choice should be to not murder your peepaw!
Next week, more idiocy, from fake miracle drugs hyped by your stupid neighbor, followed by why beliefs and facts are not the same thing! Yes, more dumb people spreading dumb lies.