Civil War Statues are Nothing More Than Participation Trophies!
Well it took a hundred and fifty five years, but it looks like the American Civil War is finally over. And guess what, turns out the South lost!
Who knew?
Evidently not most white people of “southern heritage.”
And guess what’s gone with the wind?
That’s right, the confederate flag! NASCAR a couple weeks ago put the saber to it and no more shall you see it waving at any stock car races. It’s banned!
NASCAR driver Bubba Wallace requested it, and finally, in the heat of racial unrest, the company that rakes in 660 million dollars per year from Fox Sports, agreed.
Monday night at the White House, protestors tried to pull down a statue of Andrew Jackson!
I have mixed emotions here, since technically, according to family members smarter than myself, I am related to Old Hickory.
Of course, Jackson, our 7th President, and from Tennessee, had all kinds of slaves! And while that was bad enough, remember the Trail of Tears? Twenty thousand Cherokee Indians removed from their homeland.
Yeah that was him too. We all like to forget about that part. Wait what am I saying? We like to forget all the bad parts!
So, you know, go ahead and tear it down.
And while you’re at it, tear the rest of them down too.
Now I know what you’re saying fellow “history” buffs! They do sorta remind us of our history, but it’s time we remembered that history correctly.
The South lost. And you same people are always talking about how losers shouldn’t get a trophy!
And that’s what Civil War statues are! They are participation trophies! They are just made of rock instead of plastic.
Losers don’t get a trophy. Last place doesn’t get a trophy. They get ice cream after the game. That’s it.
Now I’m not saying we shouldn’t honor our dead. We should. Especially since most soldiers fighting in the civil war didn’t own slaves. They were just poor dupes pressed into service.
But the generals? Get out of here!
The Vietnam Veterans Memorial is one of the most moving and reverent historical sites in Washington. But is there a statue of Westmoreland?
Um no.
But look folks, all is not lost! Tomorrow is another day! And you still have your fellow “historians” to boost your moral.
Why just look around our fine burg and what do you see?
Well it’s the good ol’ Stars and Bars flying high again! I mean this time it’s flying high in the back of an old Dodge pickup truck. And it’s strung up from a PVC pipe or a shower rod, but still it took Junior a whole Monday afternoon to do it!
Oh you see them all the time don’t you? All kinds of old, beat up pick up trucks. Not any new ones though. Just beat down, barely running wrecks.
Doesn’t it make you proud of your heritage? Don’t you enjoy their toothless protest? Oops, unintentional metaphor there… They are not ashamed of being white. Man, I’m ashamed they are.
And while we may not tear down these statues today, or tomorrow, or next week. They will be falling. They will be going. If NASCAR can ban confederate flags, we can toss participation trophies.