Donald Trump Wants To Be Impeached! Here’s Why!
So are all of you people excited about this whole impeachment thing? Well I’m going to tell you, don’t be. It’s all a red herring! It’s a cover up! It’s a distraction!
Our President has much more devious plans! He’s not dumb! And he’s not crazy!
No, he’s an evil genius.
Do you really think any sitting President would be so stupid to call a president of another country and insist they investigate their own political rivals?
Nobody in their right mind would do that! No one is even close to that dumb!
Presidential phone calls have witnesses. It’s not like you’re calling your plumber. You’ve got hundreds of millions of taxpayer money tied up in assisting a country! You don’t mysteriously put that money on hold and then a few days later call him up to twist his arm.
Right?
Even businessperson Donald Trump would never do that, would he?
“Hey is this Schwartz from Schwartz plumbing?” he might ask his contractor, “We got this check for ya, see?”
“Oh boy,” sighs Schwartz, “Yes Mr. Trump, I think you guys do owe us for the largest, most expensive job we did this year, which I’ve had to mortgage my house to pay salaries, while we wait 180 days on your check. What can I do for you?”
“Well see, Schwartzie,” Mr. Trump might continue, “I need you to do us a favor.”
“Ummmm, okay Mr. Trump.”
“There’s this guy in your neighborhood, Schmeckel,” continues Mr. Trump, “his daughter, well she won’t go out with Donnie Jr. Maybe you could reach out. He’s a good kid. A great kid! Not as great as Ivanka, or as attractive, but I’m just saying bigly good!”
“I need Donnie to quit moping around the house. I need you to pull some strings”
“You want me to lean on Schmeckel to make his daughter date Donnie?”
“Well I’m not saying break his legs or anything,” Mr. Trump might continue, “but I’m not saying don’t break his legs or anything, know what I mean?”
So there you go, it would be absolutely preposterous for anyone to think a sitting President or even a multiple bankrupted contractor who inherited all his money would ever act, say or do any kind of stuff this crazy or dare I say, plain old dumb, right?
And so now, since we know there are recordings of exactly this kind of thing happening with not only the Ukraine, but now as it turns out with the Australian leadership as well, we have to ask ourselves why?
What could be so important? What could be so vital?
16 year old climate activist Greta Thunberg is trying to save Autumn. She loves the Fall season. She loves all seasons! She thinks we should continue to have all seasons.
But recently Ms. Thunberg has identified a reemergence of Heat Miser, last seen in the documentary, “The Year Without a Santa Claus.”
If you recall the Heat Miser of the Seventies had wild orange hair and at times an orange glow about him.
Heat Miser’s true identity is Donald Trump.
And now it all makes sense! And now we know the truth. Donald Trump is here to destroy Autumn! He’s already taken away September!
Remember when Neil Diamond sang about September mornings?
They weren’t 97 degrees with a 108 heat index! They were nice and chill and relaxed!
Do you hate the pumpkins Mr. Trump? Are you jealous of their natural orange demeanor? How are we supposed to display them on our porches when it’s a hundred degrees outside? They’ll rot before Halloween comes close!
We have to stop this madness people. People are beginning to ask will we even have a Santa Claus? And what about that damn elf on the shelf sweating on all your furniture? That’s disgusting.
Quit making these crazy prank phone calls Mr. President! And leave the climate alone. You’ve been outed. Now go away.
That’s it. That’s all there is to say about that.