Double Lane Drive Through Creates Covid Backlash!

Dan K Jackson
3 min readMay 26, 2020

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So, an interesting thing about the Covid 19 pandemic, is my personal behavior. Anybody else noticing that about yourself?

For example, I am extremely stressed. Got a few more things on my table than normal, and sadly, after only a couple weeks I found myself being short with people closest to me.

But on the other hand, during this same time, I felt it was necessary to over tip and be as nice to people in the service industry as possible.

Happens ALL THE TIME!

However, here we are 10 or so weeks into this thing, and cracks are starting to appear.

Unfortunately, I’m still being short, and probably worse, to loved ones. But now others are about to feel my wrath.

For instance, one of our drive through restaurants, has a double lane for ordering. I’m not sure if I’m a fan of these type food service concoctions or not.

At one point I see that it technically enables them to serve more people, but also, and sadly, it gives us a unique insight into the human psyche.

If you’ve ever experienced this type of drive through, you know at some point, you must make a moral decision. That moral decision is when to claim the outside lane.

Common sense would tell you the next in line would make that choice. For some, it’s a tough decision because it’s a gamble on which person in front of you, will order most quickly.

This is determined by a myriad of factors.

For instance, what if they have kids in the car and everyone wants something different?

What if they’re all ordering specials?

What if there is only one person in the car, but they’re ordering for the whole office?

What if they’ve been in line for 10 minutes but still can’t make up their mind until they see the menu?

My point is almost nothing is worse than making the wrong call, only to have the car behind you pick the next lane and they pass you on the way out.

It’s like getting stuck behind one of these Buicks on Mineral Wells!

And even when you’re behind that person, kinda like you’re on deck, you get a little bit of anxiety yourself because there is about a half car length of the outside lane open. Half a length!

The whole time you’re wondering if you claim it?

“Technically the decision belongs to this guy in front of me, but maybe I could go ahead and grab it?”

But you don’t do that. You realize human existence relies on order and people respecting the rule of order.

If we don’t, it becomes a whole Walking Dead episode. Society collapses. Chaos rules!

And then today, the actual worse thing happened. As I was in the on deck position, some Papaw Larry with his “I Go To Church” sticker on his back window, and a handicap license plate, not only claims the outside lane from behind me, but from about six vehicles back!

He just drove all the way up from the street and jumped in the middle of the pack!

It just goes to show you, basically, no matter how much churchin’, and no matter that your grandson is in the truck with you, people can’t help but occasionally be pieces of scum.

It also doesn’t matter that for the last 10 weeks we’ve all been trying to be careful, so we could keep your old, wheezin’, formerly two packs a day, self, alive through this pandemic.

Nope. None of that matters. Because when it comes down to it, some human beings are just self-serving pieces of scum. Like our current President and like you, Papaw Larry.

Post script: Not only did I have to endure Papaw Larry’s outright theft of position, but Granny Jane, behind me pre-split, cut in front of me during the exit process!

The people inside had to double check my order because this old prune face bat in a 1989 Chevy Silverado couldn’t wait for her coffee and prunes, and therefore screwed up the line!

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Dan K Jackson
Dan K Jackson

Written by Dan K Jackson

Just a blue guy in a red state. Been writing a regular column since 2005. Sometimes politics, sometimes food and travel, sometimes comedy, always a smartass.

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