Friends Are Good. Let’s Keep Them Around a Little While

If we’re going to be serious about New Year’s resolutions, shouldn’t we start planning on them ahead of time?

I’ve got a couple of them this year. Cheryl and I were talking this weekend, and we think we both want to set a goal in 2022 to do a half marathon. We both have run 5Ks.

For me, it was twenty pounds ago. But it’s doable.

So that’s a pretty big goal. That’s a pretty big resolution. But, with planning, I think it is attainable.

As we move into another election year, I think I’d also like to lose less friends than I did in 2016, 2018 and 2020. Given, most of them were Facebook friends, and not really friends, still it can’t be healthy to lose that many, right?

We have become very, very divided in our country, so how do I attain this lofty resolution?

All of us know folks on the right who feel like the left is godless and scary. And in turn, those on the left think the right is simply stupid.

Of course, neither of those opinions are true. They are just opinions.

So, what should be a reasonable resolution for this problem?

It is very easy to say, “I’m going to not lose any friends in 2022,” and I’m going to be honest with you, it’s as easy to do it, as it is to say it.

The number one way you can avoid losing 99% of your friends and acquaintances is this: Do nothing. Do not engage.

Whether on social media or at a dinner party, you must not engage someone with an opposing opinion. You especially must not engage if their tone, or their subject matter has irritated you to the point where you are about to say something or do something you normally wouldn’t do.

Instead, do nothing!

Right now you’re saying to yourself, “Dude, you engage these people every week in your column!”

Au contrare my little hushpuppies! While many people think I write my left leaning column to convince those on the right to change their mind, I in fact do not.

I don’t care if they change their mind. They are the most difficult to change. There is no point.

No, I write my column to show solidarity with others who feel very much in the minority. When only 20% of your population thinks the way you do, it can be very isolating.

I want people like me, to know they have a voice. I also want people not so much like me, women, people of color and folks of different sexual orientation, to know they have a voice too.

(An aside: I’m not saying I’m the best voice, but a learning voice.)

Therefore, when someone on this page throws a muddy tantrum my way, I ignore it. To engage them would be as idiotic as they are.

For me, as someone capable of learning, I am now doing the same on social media, and now even personally!

Last week for example, I had a person physically approach me, asking about my column. I kept my response very vanilla. I never know from what side of the spectrum a person is coming.

It all started out fine. He seemed like a middle of the road, nice, thinking person. But before you know it, conservative catch phrases about radical blacks and Clinton conspiracies rained down upon me.

(How do you even say “radical blacks” with a straight face?)

I exited stage left as quickly and painlessly as possible. Notch that one down as a person to avoid in the future.

And that’s what we must do. We must mark these people as hazards and avoid them like big ugly potholes.

Here’s a difficult example: Let’s say your mom decides to rail on at dinner about income redistribution and Brandon. Avoid telling her the trust fund she’s a part of is another form of income redistribution! No instead, back up from the table and excuse yourself.

That’s it! Simple.

If she asks why, lie. Tell her you’re not feeling well. Do whatever is necessary to not lose a friend, or a mom.

Maybe eventually she gets the hint and keeps her yap shut. Maybe you never have dinner with her again. But if it doesn’t lead her to have Munchausen by proxy, and hence over medicate, starve or plain kill you, I feel like you can chalk this up as a win!

Here’s another example: Perhaps a couple weeks later, your unemployed and disabled uncle (by marriage) who according to everyone in the family is as healthy as a horse, declares Joe Biden to be the greatest President ever.

You realize someone like this, a lazy, worthless, failure of a con artist, is not someone who should be representing the progressive movement. But do you tell him that?

No, of course you do not.

Instead, take some video of him golfing, or snow sledding and file a report online with the Social Security Administration’s Inspector General. Or give them a call at 800–269–0271.

Both of these are examples of how you can keep the peace and still be friends. If you’re lucky, as in the second example, you might even be able to make a difference, too!