Hey White Boy! You’ve Been Gerrymandered!

White people in these parts, as conservative as they come, find themselves in a unique spot, victims of racist Republicans.

Gerrymandering, which to most folks around here, sounds like an exotic fruit, is putting the voting beat down on black folks in our cities and white folks in Henry County!

See what happens is, every ten years, by law, we have a national census. Then white people, who generally have control of the legislature, use the pretense of shifting populations to redraw voting districts, mainly so that black people cannot get elected.

Only 25 states allow their legislature to do this. Other states have variously contrived independent bodies involved in redistricting.

Guess what states are included in the 25? That’s right, Tennessee and the rest of the racist south.

The biggest gripes this year, come out of Nashville, where Jim Cooper, a long serving elected US Representative from Nashville, was gerrymandered out of his seat. It even made the New York Times! They couldn’t beat him in elections and so now after 32 years, he’s been squeezed out of his seat.

If people in Nashville, our fastest growing, and most vibrant city, want to speak to their Congressional representative, they may have to talk to a guy in Cookeville or Columbia, or God forbid, the worst city in America, Clarksville.

Because that’s where they all are now.

And speaking of Clarksville, that’s where our old district for a State Representative will now be. We discussed this a few weeks ago. But I think a lot of you were distracted by all the truth bombs I had to drop on our own soon to be gerrymandered State Rep!

That’s right, our State Rep was so hated in the State House, that the white folks there started treating him like he was Black!

And just like the very liberal Jim Cooper of Nashville, Griffey is gone from here.

Here’s my question to his followers: Is it possible Griffey was too liberal for Tennessee?

Okay my peeps, that last question was a red herring to throw off Griffey clan members. I’d prefer they bounce. I’ll bet they’re schvitzing like it’s mid-August! “Oh heavens, could he be too liberal?”

In truth our Republican legislature must do a delicate high wire balancing act. On Sundays, they pretend to love God and believe in the teachings of Jesus Christ. (They’re only capable of one, not both.) Then Monday through Friday, they must work to keep Black people, women and any immigrants who are not as pale as Gal Gadot, down!

Finally on Saturdays they, and their Stepford spouses attend ritualistic pot luck cross burnings.

Our guy was a seven day a weeker! And I’m not talking about Sunday through Friday!

This is conservatism in the South, rednecks in ties, afraid of everything that moves. And it’s been a stalwart of the South’s inability to win the war. Any war.

What’s that supposed to mean?

Well how about the Civil War? Or the Culture War? Or the Education War? Or the Healthcare War? Or really, what the heck, the Iraq War?

The South has done nothing in these wars, except sacrifice lives.

The truth is the South, led by white conservatives, no longer has a true moral compass on which to make any solid decision. Our people are racked by conundrums. And being deprived of intellectual tools, as well as a balanced understanding of what is right and what is wrong, these people will continue to make bad decisions.

This is certainly nothing new. Since we chose to enslave human beings but treat them like they were pack animals, we drew our lot. We cursed ourselves for 403 years. Hey look we’ve had some good football teams, and some good food, but really Black folks and to the latter, some Mexican folks, made most of that happen, so I’m not really sure what the Southern white has really achieved.

Well, we’ve been good at oppression. We are really good oppressors. Oh, and suppression! We’re the best at that! So proud.

Congratulations.