Look at Me! My Life is Way More Exciting Than Yours!
Well, it’s that time of year again. Yep, prom. Okay wait, I hope it’s that time of year. Hopefully, these kids can return to normalcy.
In my day Senior Prom was a big deal. Mainly it was a big deal because you had to find a date. This was not easy. Especially if you have a pizza face and the hairstyle of an opossum.
In other words, it was nerve wracking.
Imagine now when we fast forward into the Social Media generation, where Facebook likes, and dislikes can lead a kid to full on depression and in the most extreme cases…well you know. So it only stands to reason we should up the ante a bit. Let’s make it tougher on the kids. Let’s have prom proposals!
And of course, they are recorded for the social media. Because hey, if you’re a teen, and you don’t already feel super self-conscious, super nerdy, super not cool, and super bad about yourself, just look at what Mr. Popular Paul and Paulette produce for their Prom Proposal!
C’mon man!
Why does everything have to be an event? Social media is killing people. So many of you are unable to interpret the information in a safe manner. It doesn’t matter if it’s Second Amendment posts or vacation photos of your neighbor. It blows your mind.
They are in Gulf Shores, not Turks and Caicos. Relax.
And what about kids’ birthdays?
Freaking birthday parties are ridiculous these days!
A kid can turn one year old and the parents go bananas. They invite a hundred people. They hire a pastry chef to make a cake!
The kid is one! One! He is one year old! He doesn’t even know you’re having a party for him! He still poops in a diaper.
What are you parents celebrating? Maybe that you made it through the first year without accidentally killing the child?
I mean we’re human beings. We’ve been around a long time. The odds are you aren’t going to kill your kid, so I really don’t think you should be celebrating that.
It’s probably similar odds that you aren’t going to drive off a bridge this year. But you don’t celebrate that!
And then the kid goes to school and you must have an even bigger birthday party! You must show all the other parents how popular you and your kid is! You invite a bunch of kids from the “right” side of the track. They aren’t even your kids’ friends. You get bouncy, blow up things for the front yard. You get performers. It’s craziness!
Look, your kid isn’t Billy Eilish. They aren’t famous. They aren’t that particularly talented. Face facts.
You know what a birthday party was back in the day?
A cake and a candle.
Boom. That’s it.
“Hey, we got cake with candles on it. It must be somebody’s birthday!”
“Yeah, that would be me, dad.”
There were no bouncy things. There were no carnival rides. We didn’t even have balloons.
“You want balloons? Here, kid, chew some gum. Blow some bubbles!”
It wasn’t even bubble gum. It was Wrigley’s Spearmint! You can’t blow bubbles with that!
You people with your celebrations and your social media. It’s too much.
Face facts: You are boring. Your kids are boring. We all are boring.
Quit pretending you are not boring. Accept the boredom that is you. Embrace the boredom that is your life. Be the boring.
Be the boring.