Making Game of Thrones Better One Death at A Time

What’s up with winter wear in Westeros?

Daenerys is wearing some kind of tight-fitting snow suit you might see Lindsey Vonn in, meanwhile Jon Snow-Stark-Targaryen is wearing an entire bear family.

Seriously, it looks like he stopped in for porridge and murdered mama, papa and baby bear and is now wearing them.

How do you move in two hundred pounds of bear skin? How do you fight? Much less, how do you expect to kill the creepiest/weirdest villain ever?

He can barely turn around in that outfit, much less outrun ice breathing dragons. Although I guess if you’re dealing with ice breathing dragons, three levels of bear isn’t bad.

Also, Arya, Princess of Awesome Butt Kicking, is wearing the same kind of deal as everyone else. Basically, they look like they’ve been on the Three Wishes website. Everybody’s wearing leather. Leather is not warm. What happened to “winter is coming?”

And speaking of leather, where are the cows? You never see cows on Game of Thrones. What are these people eating? Heck you don’t see pigs or anything else! They really needed to work on some supply chain backstory. There should be an entire season dedicated to the business aspect of Winterfell.

I mean seriously, there is no grass. What are all those horses eating? It’s got to take a lot of hay and oats hauled up from the King’s Landing area. Is there a trucker’s union?

And who is cooking for all these thousands of Dothraki and freed slaves? No wonder the Dothraki got snuffed out. The guys are starving and there was very little meat left on the White Walkers. Looks like bone broth boys!

I have to say I’m a little disappointed in the old battle of Winterfell. I was anticipating some people would die. Seriously.

Think about it, every time you hear or read some entertainment story about GOT, it usually centers on their killing off favored characters.

They haven’t killed off any great characters since the Red Wedding! Now that was some killing! The King of the North was killed. His wife or whatever was killed. His mom was killed. His dog was killed!
They killed his pet!

That’s how you kill off favored characters!!!

Most of the ones they killed off Sunday have only had a handful of lines in the last 5 years! Or two seasons. Same difference.

Heck the dragon hadn’t had any lines! I can’t tell the difference between any of the three! We need to build the relationship so when it’s severed it means something.

Basically, we need to see some of the main ones dropped.

This would have been a good one to kill: Brienne of Tarth.

I ran in to her last year in London. She’s very pretty and tall in person. But she needed to die last week. And here’s how she would die:

Arya and Brienne are making their way across the frozen tundra. A horde of White Walkers descend upon them. Brienne steps between the two and says, “I made a vow to your mother to protect her daughters.”

And then BOOM she’s dead. Arya escapes.

Or how about this, Arya and Sansa are making their way across the frozen tundra. Same deal with White Walkers, Sansa trips, falls, the White Walkers eat her. BOOM she’s dead. Arya escapes.

Or Jon…or Daenerys…or Tyrion…BOOM they are dead. Arya escapes.

The result would be emotional loss combined with glee for Arya’s survival. In other words, the perfect ending.

You’re welcome.