Mandatory Vasectomies Coming Soon to A State Near You!
So have you heard about this Mandatory Vasectomy bill legislators in Alabama are trying to pass?
Yes, that Alabama! The same place that passed a law making a woman’s right to have control over her own body a potential felony, now has this going on.
For those keeping score at home, it’s the left’s response to the previous bill.
Not surprisingly, I personally like it. But not necessarily for the reason you might think.
Basically, it requires all men after they turn 50, or after the birth of their third child, to forgo the family jewels. It also requires them to pay for it.
I’m not so sure about the “all men” aspect. I’m down with just the whiniest and most dumb, you know, like rednecks. And racists. And pseudo intellectualists.
You know who I’m talking about. People who get fired from a job, because they were home taking a nap, when they were supposed to be at work. People who are too dumb to realize the company car has GPS.
Even though they were told it had GPS.
They also claim they weren’t fired. They quit.
But they were fired.
They are the kind of person who falls upstairs. They are the kind of person left at the alter because the bride thought a dog would be a better companion. They are the kind of person who doesn’t understand what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Or what happens on your profit and loss statement, stays on your profit and loss statement.
They are the kind of person who forms a competitive business against you, based on the previously mentioned profit and loss statement.
And then buys your grandparents unintentionally underpriced farmland.
They are the kind of person who is awarded a promotion not because of their skill level, but because of their social standing. They then take the job with much hubris and immediately fail. They are also the type of person who will then, upended by their lack of ability, preparation or even effort, cry foul and threaten to quit!
They are wussies. They are useless.
You know the guys I’m talking about. They think they look like George Clooney, when they allow their facial hair to grow out. They do not look like George Clooney. They look like George Wendt.
They are the same guys you’ve regrettably heard use the N word, (and not in a musical way) but there they are with their flat rim baseball hat and gold chains, bragging about their football days.
They are the same guys you’ve regrettably heard use the N word, but who can’t understand why their wife would rather have another child than spend the next twenty years alone with him.
They are the same guys you’ve regrettably heard use the N word, but because he’s an old man you’re supposed to let it go.
They are the same guys who can’t wait to tell you they make more money than the bank president across the street, or their boss, or you. And you were simply having a conversation about gas grills.
All these guys need mandatory vasectomies.
All of them.
And the doctor should use a DeWalt power tool to do it.
To all of them.
Slowly.