Mask Wearing, the Battle of Dumb vs. Science Continues!

Dan K Jackson
3 min readNov 17, 2020

When someone tells me they “don’t believe” in wearing masks, it takes everything in my power to not respond harshly.

Believe in SCIENCE, stupid!

What is there to believe in? Science?

You believe in gravity, you dumb motherBLEEPER??

You don’t “believe” in wearing a mask! You don’t believe in protecting others?

You know what I don’t believe? That hair color of yours. I don’t believe that.

You know what else I don’t believe? Yeah, that I have to continue telling you people this!

The mayor has a county mandate. It’s required! So why do I have to be the mask police?

You don’t believe in it?

I had one lady tell me she didn’t believe in masks and you know what bumper sticker she had midways up the hatchback of her car?

“I believe in Jesus and Trump.”

What the heck does that mean?

First of all, I can’t believe you would put a bumper sticker, midways up the back of your car! You don’t put it on the paint!

It’s for the bumper! It’s called a BUMPER STICKER. Put it on…or at least near the bumper!

And you believe in Jesus AND Trump?

As a two thousand year old religion, I understand why someone believes in Jesus. I don’t get why anyone believes in a 72 year old flim flam man.

What is there to believe in regarding Trump?

Do you believe he told you a bunch of lies? Or do you believe the lies he told were actually truths, but you were misled by ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN…and of late even Fox News?

Do you believe he’s a successful businessman? And that surely he knows what he’s doing?

I used to believe that too. In business school we read his book. Since then various bankruptcies, bailouts by banks, bailouts by his parents dying, and finally 10 years later of him paying no taxes have convinced me otherwise. I get not paying taxes every once in a while. You can have a strategic year or two.

But you can’t take 10 years off from paying taxes! Ten years of not paying taxes probably means your business is consecutively losing money.

Here’s another one, “I have asthma, masks give me anxiety.”

You know what gives me anxiety? YOU! Specifically, you spewing your non mask wearing germs all around the place!

Yes, I know, masks don’t prevent you from getting Covid 19, but they can help, and if you’ve been be-bopping all over town, hanging out with your other “masks give me anxiety” friends, then chances are you’ve been exposed more than most!

Here’s another one, “I don’t have a mask.”

What do you mean, “you don’t have a mask?”

“In my defense, I have a penicillin allergy.”

We are eight months into a global pandemic! Everybody has a mask! Have you been living under a rock?

What are you Maroon 5 without Adam Levine?

What are you Adam Levine without an STD?

The point is, not wearing a mask is stupid, and Adam Levine is gross. So there.



Dan K Jackson

Just a blue guy in a red state. Been writing a regular column since 2005. Sometimes politics, sometimes food and travel, sometimes comedy, always a smartass.