The Plastic Problem: Can We Trick the Dumbasses to Help?

Is anyone besides me disturbed about the recent plastic in your bottled water report?

According to a study published by the National Academy of Sciences, a typical liter of bottled water contains 240,000 detectable plastic particles.

This month’s Consumer Reports takes that a step further. An initial study of plastic particles in various types of food showed the same deal, different and varying levels of plastic were found. For instance, Beefaroni had a higher plastic content than Ravioli, form the same manufacturer.

Bottled water used to be the sign of a healthy person. Now it’s the sign of wow.

Seriously, when you start thinking about the whole plastic thing, the immensity of it, the insidious nature of it, the codependency aspect of it, all you can do is be overwhelmed.

This morning, I made coffee at work. The Folger’s is in a huge plastic tub. Remember when it wasn’t?

Exactly, only old people remember…. (Old, conservative people, maybe?)

Previous to the plastic container, Folger’s and most coffees came in a foil/metal can. Previous to that, and not that long ago, they were in metal cans.

You youngsters go look in your grandpa’s shop. He’s got all kinds of nails and stuff in coffee cans.

Speaking of foodstuffs, what about going grocery shopping and leaving with twenty plastic bags?

Yes, I know fellow Snowflakes, I’m supposed to remember to bring my own bag. But I can’t, almost ever! I think we managed to bring them twice in the last year.

I wish we as a country or as a world could get on board about one issue, but for the life of me I can’t imagine a Trumper bringing grocery bags in to save the planet, and probably our DNA!

It would be nice though. Maybe he should pass out MAGA shopping bags. Or sell them. Why don’t one of you guys pass this idea on up to your fearless, feckless leader?

Nah, that’s not gonna work with them. But if they charged you for plastic bags? Or taxed you?

We could use the plastic bag tax for solving the homeless issue. MAGA folks would probably want to use it for immigrant bus rides to California and New York.

But seriously, though! Maybe this is an opportunity to grasp some conservatism ideology! How about we market paper bags to Republicans as a way to bring back the good old days?

Hey paper is more renewable than plastic! Yes, liberals may have to compromise, but at last the Snowflakes and the obvious flakes could come together on something!

And what about milk in a glass bottle? That was a bit before my time, but I always thought it seemed a delicious idea.

Heck as far as that goes, why don’t we incorporate the Right’s inability to change to other bottles as well? What about soda? Let’s get rid of the plastic bottle and go back to glass! Or just metal cans!

Other beverages in larger portion sizes such as 16–20 oz have twist off top, aluminum cans. I can attest to the fresh and frigid nature of those drinks! Let’s go to them instead!

A couple of weeks ago I posted on the social media a picture of a kid in a 1970’s car seat. All aluminum. Did not look very safe. Actually, it looked like something from an Apollo Moon Vehicle.

However, that was again, before the plastic revolution. Certainly, plastic has been a shortcut to modern convenience, economy and in this case safety. But at what cost?

The problem with plastic is it lasts forever. If a car lasted forever, it would be a good thing. But plastic isn’t usable forever. Your plastic/vinyl whatever dashboard will eventually crack. It has a specific shelf life. And then it begins to break down. It dries out. The cracks begin. And then over the years, and evidently not that many years, it breaks down to a molecular, invisible, ingestive level.

As you go through your typical day, note your plastic usage. At this very second, I’m using a plastic keyboard and mouse, while looking at a monitor in a plastic case. It’ll last a couple more years, and then when I get a new hard drive, it’ll all get tossed.

Eventually some human, dog, bird, lizard or whatever survives our sordid species, will digest my degraded, desktop doodads.

We must get rid of so much plastic. It’s everywhere.

Think about it some, won’t you?

(Writer’s note: I know there are a bunch of you alt science people and simpletons, who will attempt to breakdown the specifics in this column. Don’t bother. I didn’t double check the articles I read two weeks ago. I don’t get paid enough to do that. As a matter of fact, I don’t get paid to write this. I just do it for the sheer enjoyment of knowing you don’t enjoy it.)